I Could Hear Everything… And My Mind Turned It Into Hell

I could hear the voices. My wife, the nurses, the machines… And what my mind did with them was terrifying.

I Was In A Horror Movie

Everything going on was transformed into a nightmare.

Just the ventilator going down my throat would become:

• A rusty wire cage strapped over my mouth
• A growth that leaked blood into my mouth
• A furry bat crammed down my throat to keep me quiet

When I could finally talk to my wife, I started to tell her about the nightmares I had been seeing. She was able to put 2 and 2 together.

• They spoke about amputating my leg. I saw amputated children hiding in my room.
• They spoke of me drowning with pneumonia. I hallucinated laying half way in a creek while children floated face down around me.
• They held my hand and started an IV. I saw myself being strapped to a metal table while they inserted multiple ports into my arm.
• My fever would escalate. I was kidnapped from the hospital and abandoned in the back of the car to die from the heat.

Everything they did converted into a nightmare for me.

• Once, someone brought my wife donuts. Apparently I could smell them. My mind told me someone had stuffed one into my breathing tube and I was suffocating.

Why so dark? I have no idea. But it was terrifying.

What Can We Do For Our Loved Ones?

I remember my time in nursing after my coma. I would walk into a room and hear things that I just knew would drive the comatose patients crazy.

• Nurses or family arguing about things.
• Family members and doctors discussing the patient’s death.
• Televisions left on crime shows where people were being murdered.

I would always try to steer things away from those topics.

Even though my mind had turned completely innocent things into horror-esque scenarios, there is no need to amplify the problem.

My Wife, My Constant

“My Constant” became my wife’s nickname after I woke up. She was the only thing that my mind never distorted. Whenever I could see her, she was Felicia, my beautiful wife.

Every nurse, every voice, every sound was distorted into something terrifying.

But My Constant’s voice was always the same and I would recognize it even when I couldn’t see her.

So I’ll say this to you family members who want the best for your loved ones while they’re under anesthesia.

• They can hear you.
• They may not understand what’s going on.
• Speak calmly.
• Be encouraging, even if you’ve only been given bad news.
• Be careful what’s going on in the background (tv, etc.)
• Touch your loved one often. Hold their hand. Kiss their forehead.

I’ll never know for certain, but I feel very strongly that the love and care from my wife anchored me to life.

Her prayers resisted death. Her voice called me home. Her encouragement kept me from giving up.

Her love turned me into the better man I am becoming today.

This is the power a loved one can be for the one in a coma.

That power can come from you.

Check out the rest of my story here with Breathe In, Breathe Out.