The Time I Tried To Put A Hit On My Nurse

Nurses have to put up with a lot of “crazy” with patients who are out of their mind. But I often wonder if I’m the only one who tried to put out a hit on one.

Ok… Let Me Explain Myself

When you’ve been in a coma for a month, things are already bad enough. When you’ve been on fentanyl for a month, things are even worse.

Confusion was my norm. Paranoia follows confusion like a shadow.

So when one of my male nurses was silent with me and pretty rude, yet very smiley and friendly with my beautiful Felicia, I started to get suspicious.

And then came the “shower conversation”.

The Plot Thickens

Little did I know that the rehabilitation place I was going to be moved to was called “Easy Street”. And that they had a place where people could shower that wasn’t in the way of patients.

So when this male nurse comes in and asks my beautiful Felicia if she’d like to get a shower because he can take her to a place where she can get one…

Something had to be done.

I’ve Got Friends In Low Places

I’ve always kept myself on the straight and narrow path.

However, I have friends who have not. Friends who find people who do bad things and then do bad things to them.

With my phone in hand and confusion in full swing, I forced my weakened arms to type out the message, asking one such friend to meet his male nurse in the parking lot after hours.

Just to talk… of course…

The only problem was… I got the name wrong. Yeah. I named the wrong male nurse.

Surprisingly Good Sense

Message received loud and clear, my friend had the good sense to hold off on my request, knowing that my mind wasn’t in good working order.

He did visit and ask which nurse it was and, funny enough, I’m now friends with the nurse who I incorrectly named. The nurse I almost had “talked to” in the parking lot because I had names mixed up.

Long after I was out of the hospital, we went back to visit and I told the nurse who had offered my wife a shower the whole story.

He was shocked. Turns out, he was a nice guy, engaged to a young lady and never had any intentions towards my wife.

To this day, I am very thankful that my one and only hit was a failure. And very thankful that my friend, who is the type of guy willing to “meet” people like this, had the good sense to wait for clarity.

The Takeaway

Patients who are hallucinating see crazy things… but to them, those crazy things are just as real as anything else they’ve seen in life.

I honestly believed the nurses had crammed a dead bat down my throat to keep my quiet at one point. And no one could change my mind about it.

So always… ALWAYS keep an eye on what they’re doing, who they’re texting, what they’re ordering.

You never know when you might run into a hired thug in a parking lot because the crazy patient thinks you’re trying to steal their wife!

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