The Deafening Silence

There wasn’t a single sound that could be considered loud, offensive, or out of place… and it was literally driving me crazy.

What You Can Get Used To

I wouldn’t ever go so far as to say a hospital room is peaceful. Especially not in a CICU. When you’re laying in that bed you hear a constant mix of:

• Heart monitors beeping
• Nutrition pumps feeding me
• Nurse alarms going off out in the nurse’s station
• Hospital announcements
• Regular doctor and nurse visitations
• And more

At one point we were even instructed to leave a “Do not disturb” sign on the door to keep people from coming into the room so I could sleep.

But what you don’t have is the typical sound of people around you. General conversation. The normal commotion of a day’s activities.

The craziness of the hospital room becomes the new normal. Especially as you learn what these sounds mean for your health and you almost depend on hearing them.

The Old Norm Becomes The New Chaos

Pretty soon after getting out of the hospital, my family took me to a Cracker Barrel for lunch.

I was enjoying the food and enjoying being out of the house for a change.

My weakness had me limping with a brace on one leg and a cane so we didn’t go out very much.

But sitting at the table, I felt this irritability come over me. I couldn’t seem to pinpoint what it was but the noise was driving me insane.

Eventually, I had my head down with both hands pressed over my ears, unable to stand it any longer.

My sweet Felicia was concerned and said “I don’t understand. The kids are being great, no one’s shouting… what’s going on?”

Until asked, I couldn’t have told you.

• It was the forks against plates.
• It was the general conversation of those around us.
• It was people walking past our table.
• Servers getting orders.
• People laughing or stirring drinks.

My solitude, both in the hospital and at home, had left me completely removed from the every day sounds that most people take for granted.

I’ve heard it said that certain types of autism make it to where there is no such thing as “background noise”. Every sound seems to be directed right at you.

And that sums it up perfectly. I heard every conversation. Every footstep. Every knife scraping a plate. It was all front and center.

I couldn’t ignore any of it.

Solutions

As I write this, I think of a friend of mine whose daughter wears headphones to help her handle her autism.

It never occurred to me until we were talking with a friend one day and she said “Oh, you should get some noise canceling headphones.”

Genius!

We went to Walmart and bought a pair of Skull Candy headphones that blocked out peripheral noises.

And, while I hated to wear them out around other people, it helped me so much when the kids were getting on my nerves without doing anything wrong.

I don’t remember how long it was before I didn’t need the headphones any longer but it was several months.

I had to be eased back into society where everyday sounds and conversations didn’t grate on my mind constantly.

Gaining Understanding

While it was a terrible thing to live through, my experiences did give me a great understanding of what others are going through.

A doctor can tell you what the symptom is like but its hard to fathom that every conversation around you is like someone whispering in your ear.

When every sound is like a mosquito buzzing right in your ear but you can’t shew it away.

It gave me a great sympathy for these children who need headphones to block out their surroundings. I’ve never been comfortable with people mental disabilities or differences but I can at least sympathize and understand some of it a little better.

Patience is a must. There wasn’t a thing I could do to make it better myself other than block it out. And I wasn’t even a child.

Only a gradual easing back into my old world brought me out of that craziness and allowed me to rejoin society. Something I will never take for granted again.